now sit back and let me paint you a picture...
it is new year's eve. prolow and i are hanging out, putting away as much shitty alcohol as our bodies will allow while our girlfriends watch us uncomfortably. now to be completely honest, new year's was not a terribly momentous occasion as far as hello midnight evenings are concerned. i went to work, got off, picked up some wine and champagne, came home and hung out with my roommate and girlfriend. the only thing out of the ordinary was that all day, i kept jokingly promising prolow that at the stroke of midnight, we would duel with our champagne corks and that i would crush him in the face with my cork. hardly prophetic. OR SO YOU ALL THINK.
our story leaps forward a few hours...
it is now 11:54 or so. all i can remember at this point is turning off an episode of always sunny so that we could watch the ball drop. and, much more importantly, throw down. the ball drops, dick clark reminds america just how horrible he looks these days, blah blah, whatever, IT IS FUCKING GO TIME. i put on some protective sunglasses and tell prolow to do the same. now just to put this all in perspective, i am about 2 drinks from falling flat on my face and still won't shut up about prolow's imminent doom. in an uncommon act of sheer burl-itude, prolow walks about 8 feet away from me and says for me to just go ahead and try to hit him.
at this point in the story, prolow becomes gene hackman and i become the hairiest sharon stone you have ever seen.
long story belatedly made short, i fire off the bottle of korbel and the cork crushes gene hackman square between the eyes, throwing his glasses away and thoroughly surprising the shit out of everyone present, most of all myself, who immediately squealed "oh my god are you okay?? holy shit i am so sorry! i am so sorry!"
too amazed at the improbability of what just happened to be angry, prolow hugged me and said that was the most amazing thing he had ever bore witness to. i think he was just scared i would shoot him again, but he was a good sport.
this is my overly circuitous way of explaining to you all that i had a retardedly amazing new year's eve, and can think of no other way i would have liked to start this year.
take it easy my babies
xoxoxox
BENSAUHNAhsdfiasunfaksuhfaisfn
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