NOVEMBER RAIN REVISITED

first of all: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-cBbLz225o

just so you have an idea of what i am talking about.

so the other night prolow and matt start this really long and technical discussion about GUNS N' ROSES' november rain music video. now i vaguely recall seeing the video and remember something about axl rose playing a piano and a wedding or bar mitzvah or whatever and let it slip that i hadn't seen it in a while and didn't really remember what happened in it. in a furor of utter disgust with my ignorance coupled with excitement at an excuse to watch the video again, matt and prolow whisked me away to a computer so i could experience the greatness of this music video as soon as possible.

"Prepare to be wowed." - Peter Travers, Rolling Stone

"You come away impressed, oppressed, provoked, and beaten down, holding on to the squirrelly incandescence as a beacon in the darkness." - Ty Burr, The Boston Globe

"Pitched at the divide between art and industry, poetry and entertainment." - Manohla Dargis, The New York Times

IT IS THAT GOOD. To be completely honest, these reviews aren't actually for the November Rain video. These are all reviews for the Dark Knight, but i thought they worked here too.

anyway, i was correct in my recollection about a wedding. while axl croons behind a piano with the band, the story part of the video shows that the whole gang went on down to the cathedral to watch axl get married in a ridiculous outfit to some leggy brunette about 8 inches taller than him. slash's whole "oh no where'd the rings go?" part was pretty priceless, but i especially enjoyed when, during the middle of the service, slash just turns around and storms out of the church, as if to say "this is just too fucking beautiful, i can't take it. need. to. solo."

once out of the cathedral, slash is magically changed back into his whole leather chaps, cowboy boots and biker jacket look, just in case any viewers were confused as to whether or not GNR was a band or just a bunch of effeminate dudes who hung out together. after making sure that he was a safe distance from the church to ensure it wouldn't be reduced to rubble from the rocking he was about to lay down, slash busts out some of the most intense late 80's early 90's era rockstar shit i have ever seen.

my prior impressions of slash led me to believe that he would just roll out of his nest of drugs and titties about 15 minutes to showtime so he could stagger up on stage to chain smoke and play face-melting vertical guitar solos. honestly, i wasn't entirely sure that slash was even awake, or at least not in the traditional sense for extended portions of GNR shows. these misconceptions were quickly brushed aside though; after seeing this music video, i cannot adequately express how wowed i was by slash's awesomeness.

standing in the middle of fucking nowhere on a dusty plain outside the church, this guy gets into some insane limbo god power stance with his legs far enough apart to park a suburban between.
the sheer epic-ness of the whole scene was quite appropriately chronicled using a helicopter fly-by, and 5 other cameras, probably the only way that a GNR guitar solo should be recorded.

SPOILER ALERT:
at the end of the music video, in a dramatic twist, axl's new bride dies of unexplained causes while slash stomps his way on top of axl's piano and bangs out yet another searing guitar solo. coincidence? i think not. i think everybody here knows the cause of death. in a scenario with direct parallels to the story semele, zeus' mortal wife who demanded to see zeus' true form only to perish in a fiery lightning-induced explosion upon seeing him in all his magnificence, the bride was CLEARLY killed by the ginormitude of slash's rocking. what else could it have been? she obviously got within the safe rock radius and was simply blown away by the slash's inconcievable awesomeness.

well, that or she fell victim to a fatal STD from axl's toxic dong..... actually now that I think about it it is probably like a 50/50 split.... whatever, i'm getting sidetracked here.

anyways i thought that was fairly obvious but you can all draw your own conclusions. in any event, go watch the damn video. it is pretty amazing, both intentionally and ironically.
thats it my babies.
xoxox
BENSAOiuflkjdhasodlkjands,amsndasdjnasd

works cited:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Semele
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_dark_knight/?critic=creamcrop