Hello Midnight: RIP Michael Jackson/ FIRST MJ VIGIL, SUCK IT PLANET EARTH

Today, the world lost an incredible musical icon and entertainer. Michael Jackson had an amazing muscial career and touched millions of people's hearts. Michael, you will be missed.

Now! More importantly, I have just fulfilled my childhood dream of starting the first vigil in the world for...something.

But Benson, how do you know you had the first vigil in the world?

Sit down my babies and I will tell you. As my roommates and I sat and watched as MSNBC changed its headlines saying that Michael slipped from his coma and died, I felt a great many things. However as a vigil enthusiast, my strongest feeling was to burn something. After screaming a dramatic "Noooooo!", as my roommates will confirm, I immediately ran around the house to find something flammable (this did not take long, we basically live in a death trap).

Now it is my understanding that there were people in costume mourning within minutes of the announcement of his death. this clearly counts as a vigil, correct? NOPE. they didnt burn shit. try again bitchez. you can go ahead and wipe those tears away with you silver medals you pussies because everyone knows that YOU ARENT SAD UNLESS SOMETHING GOT BURNED. if the millions of michael jackson fans out there have any class or humanity within them, Los Angeles should be fucking ablaze tonight.

Now do not get me wrong, this vigil was no small effort. I went through all the proper motions that a grieving "vigilante" (ha) needs to go through. after screaming "no" for like 8 seconds (which if you actually count it out is really fucking long), I found myself a big ol' sheet of paper and wrote in poor hand writing a personal message to michael. i was going to include a crudely drawn picture of us holding hands in the corner, but i wanted to keep this out of the tabloids. then the actual act of lighting my torch of despair took forever because apparently new jersey has gail force winds whenever a celebrity dies. who knew. but fear not, the torch lit, and with my tender, heartbreaking message in hand, i headed outside to share my grief with the world:

see, i'm pouting because the king of pop is dead, but inside I am like freaking out because I can't wait for guiness to get in touch with me to ask me about how i fired up that vigil so quickly.

in all seriousness though folks, this sucks. MJ was cool as shit, and if i was a little boy, i would be bragging my ass off about getting rubbed down by the king of pop.

between michael and farah fawcett, today is like the worst "too-soon, poor-taste joke" day since september 12th 2001.i think we should all make our way to a bar tonight and blast those tunes all night while drinking flirtinis or whatever the hell MJ drank. Michael, i hope you are moon-walking in a better place now.

and now to lighten the mood (thanks ashleen)